I find myself living among the ranks of helping someone with “brain changes.” It is a better phrase for them than the word “dementia”.
This time, it’s more personal for me since it is in my own family. Thank goodness for the reminders of my people with whom I worked and associated with. Thinking of them and their challenges while taking care of someone they loved gives me hope I can do it, too.
My expectations were somehow higher for my Mom. I was getting angry she wasn’t meeting them. Honestly, I was not coping well. Why? What was my problem? Yes, my problem!
Bringing my Mom and stepdad back to Washington and living with them to be of extra help was supposed to be a good move and yet it wasn’t. It was rather miserable.
I gave us all a bunch of excuses. This or that or the other thing – once we get through this everything would get better. We’d be in a better place – Eventually!
The holidays were tough – still unpacking – getting everything in it’s plae. Getting mom’s environment to be like it use to be. Designed to a “T”. She use to be a designer, a creator and it was important. A sense of purpose and we helped to this end. It was a bit grueling, and it brought with it more sadness – approaching spring with more evident brain changes.
The last few months while trying to have Tara help me keep building a website – I reached out to my friends for referrals. They call them testimonials – so people who know you can say how great you are (Smile.)
I felt like Elwin and his book “Did I do enough”. Maybe it was their testimonials that let me think and believe that maybe – just like I did before, I could do this, still.
Talking with Sid reminded me of when he was with Donna. He was her caregiver living on the assisted living side. He did all he possible could do; as her husband, being the love of her life, and to be by her side every step of the way. It got harder for him but he was still there.
We talked over the phone for a little bit, just checking on each other like we use to. Making sure life was still good. That we were still smiling and still moving through the changes. (Donna is gone now.) As I talked with him I realized how there was “not so free” information out there. Everyone’s voice was about selling something they knew to make money.
This would be a different venue. For now, I just wanted to do better with my Mom. I was doing good with Dad – though he lived a few hours away.
Being with Mom and Larry was my home now. Though if didn’t much feel like it. More on that at another time.
I would like to share with you another resource. A place to go for recognizing the stages of brain change and what will be happening going into the future.
I found out about Teepa Snow and her Positive Approach to Care. My OT person who was helping me get my hand back referred her and had some training from her and recommended her highly. Finding this information on her website helped me look at my Mom a different way. Even take a check up on myself since I am in my sixties.
Now, I see this place I’m in as being in a river, more like going around the riverbend instead of seeing a tidal wave. I won’t get to see what’s coming. And then we will work around it, together.
I too, need to keep my brain at a miraculous level so I can be of use to the pople I care about.
More coming. . .
Be of Good Cheer,
Debbie
The “GEMS®” of a changing brain.
(scroll to the bottom of the article to download a free chart)
Find more information about Positive Approach to Care, Teepa Snow, and PAC Skills: https://teepasnow.com/
Disclaimer: I am inspired by Teepa Snow and the Positive Approach to Care® methods and dementia education. While I am inspired by these methods, any knowledge or skills I offer are only representative of me, independent of Positive Approach to Care®.
